


It's only you, nobody new

by Aguacates



Category: Monsta X (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sexual Content, Tarot, hyungwon is in love and mad about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-27 18:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aguacates/pseuds/Aguacates
Summary: It would be silly for Hyungwon to wish he were still next to Jeonghan.He must be a little silly, then.Jeonghan looks at all of them with pleasure while they sing happy birthday for him. He blows out his candle. Hyungwon has to wait for the bodies around him to shift before he catches another glimpse of him.Jeonghan, sitting there tipsy and happy, holding a plastic spoon in front of his heart.(Hyungwon is a little in love with Jeonghan, and a little mad about it.)
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 11
Kudos: 29





	It's only you, nobody new

**Author's Note:**

> brought to you by hyungwon jeonghan best friends?? listen I saw a picture of them together and then the clip of jeonghan on the phone with hyungwon saying hyungwon is someone he feels comfortable talking to anytime and is always happy to see and here I am. fellas I do not know what I'm doing
> 
> thank you my friend hollie for making me a graphic, helping me title this fic, reading it over, general emotional support etc + thank u to isabel <3

“Who is that?” 

Hyungwon looks up from the beer just set in front of him by one of Jeonghan’s protégés (the kids, Hyungwon calls them). Chan is nodding to the bar and the tall boy with long pink hair. 

“That’s Yeonjun,” Jeonghan says. He ignores his cocktail to drink from Hyungwon’s beer. “Go get him a drink, Lee Chan.” 

Chan flushes, but he stands up straight. Jeonghan has prepared him for this. 

“He’s very nice,” Jeonghan says. One hand fiddles with his watch. “He even got Hyungwon-hyung to talk to him the first time we met.” 

“Yah,” Hyungwon says, mostly because it’s expected of him. 

“Hyungwon-hyung talked to me, too!” 

Hyungwon smiles, because Chan seems almost genuinely offended. “That’s because you’re very cute, Chan-ah. You should go get our friend a drink.” 

Jeonghan sighs happily when Chan abandons them at the table and makes his way over to Yeonjun. “I love my children.” 

“Mmm.” 

The kids really turned out tonight. There ended up more people than Hyungwon and Seungkwan had planned for, and they barely fit in the space they reserved. It makes sense. People enjoy celebrating Jeonghan, especially the baby gays he’s constantly collecting, whether he means to or not. 

Joshua appears next to them. “Birthday boy requests? We’ve got Mingyu at the ready.” 

Jeonghan claps his hands together. “Perfect. Some pork belly.” 

“Coming right up. Any other requests, Hyungwon-hyung?” 

“It’s not his birthday!” Jeonghan protests, laughing. “Bring him some ramyeon, yeah?” 

“I’m not one of your kids, Jeonghan-ah,” Hyungwon complains. Joshua doesn’t stay to watch the scene they put on; he goes to where Mingyu really is at the ready. 

A pair of arms come around Jeonghan. “Happy birthday!” 

Jeonghan grabs onto the person’s forearms and laughs his thanks before he even turns to see who it is. Hyungwon can see Jooheon, though, dimples showing as he rests his chin on top of Jeonghan’s head. Changkyun and Soonyoung are behind him, whispering between themselves. There’s another flurry of greetings, Jooheon unsticking himself from Jeonghan to let the others say hello and happy birthday. 

He winks at Hyungwon but doesn’t say anything. Changkyun does. “Hyungwon-hyung, what did you do to get the place of honor at his right hand?” 

“Nothing,” Hyungwon says, at the same time Jeonghan says, “He’s just pretty.” 

Jeonghan leans close to him so their shoulders touch. “We look  _ great  _ together, Changkyun-ah. We don’t have to ask for  _ anything.”  _

Soonyoung snorts. Jooheon laughs. 

“You’re not being nice enough. You can go sit down there. You get the last of the food.” 

Hyungwon backs him up, pointing to the far end of the table. 

Soonyoung is the only one who complains. Jooheon just laughs, and Changkyun’s attention is on the room at large. Looking for someone. Hyungwon sees the someone approach a few minutes later, sitting down next to Changkyun and looking nervous for half a second, until he’s drawn into conversation and is laughing, head tilted back and nose scrunched. From here Hyungwon can just barely tell that Jeongguk has his nails painted; he wonders if Changkyun did them. 

Joshua comes back with bowls of rice for both of them. He’s followed by two of the kids, hands full of banchan. 

“Oh,  _ thank you,”  _ Jeonghan says, syrupy, reaching his arms out for them. “Give me one and two hugs. Hwang Hyunjin, come here.” 

One and two, he calls them. Kim Hyunjin and Hwang Hyunjin. They’re both among the collected baby gays, and now they’re partners in crime. Little weirdos, Hyungwon thinks fondly. 

One-Hyunjin hugs Jeonghan tight. She yanks two-Hyunjin into a real three-way hug while he pretends to protest. 

Hyungwon loves how happy Jeonghan clearly is, surrounded by all the people who love him and leaning into the love the younger ones have come to give him. He doesn’t think about it all the time, because he and Jeonghan are just  _ like  _ this, just best friends and in each other’s space, both literally and metaphorically. 

But he saw this little family as it was built up around Jeonghan. Built up around  _ them.  _ He was there when the first of the baby gays found them. To this day, they don’t know which one of them Jooheon was going to hit on when he came over to talk to them for the first time. 

It’s Jeonghan, but it’s a little bit Hyungwon too. 

“What is that  _ face?”  _

Hyungwon turns his head to see Jeonghan looking at him. He smooths his expression over from whatever weird, pained, emotional thing it was doing. Holy fuck, he feels like he could cry. 

He will not. 

“My throat just feels kind of dry,” he says. 

Jeonghan makes fun of him, but he grabs Seungkwan as he passes by and asks for some water. 

“If I didn’t know better, I might think you enjoy being waited on hand and foot,” Seungkwan says dryly. 

Hyungwon smiles after him. He planned all of this. If Jeonghan tried to get something for himself, Seungkwan would sit him right back down. He’d keep Jeonghan from having to go to the bathroom himself if he could. 

He can’t, though, so after they’ve been brought mountains of food and had their drinks refilled before they can even be emptied, Jeonghan escapes the clutches of his admirers for the bathroom and Hyungwon sits back, feeling less eyes on him now that Jeonghan isn’t here to draw them. 

When Jeonghan returns, there’s cake ready for him. Seungkwan ushers him into a seat in the middle of the long table, at least six people away from Hyungwon. It would be silly for Hyungwon to wish he were still next to Jeonghan. 

He must be a little silly, then. 

Jeonghan looks at all of them with pleasure while they sing happy birthday for him. He blows out his candle. Hyungwon has to wait for the bodies around him to shift before he catches another glimpse of him. 

Jeonghan, sitting there tipsy and happy, holding a plastic spoon in front of his heart. 

  
  


**One hundred twenty-three days ago.**

There’s a little fortune house two away from the bar they go to the most. They pass it all the time and they’ve joked about it before, but today they’re here while the sun is still out and the shop is still open. 

It’s Hyungwon who says they should go in. He says it as a joke, but it’s always been the kind of joke that’s a push and pull, always bringing them a little closer. Today Jeonghan takes them the rest of the way, right into the shop. 

The woman who greets them is beautiful. She doesn’t look very old, but her hair has silver in it that seems natural. She’s friendly and offers them tea before they even pay for readings. 

“You first,” she tells Hyungwon. She smiles, and he feels at ease, so he agrees. When she asks him to leave his phone behind, he hands it to Jeonghan without a second thought. 

The woman takes him to a back room that’s not large, but it’s comfortable. It’s really tasteful, actually; Jeonghan will appreciate it. The chair Hyungwon is non-verbally directed to sit in is really comfortable. Most of the light comes from a wide window, plants set in front of it and hanging over it. 

“First we need to know what you’re looking for today, Hyungwon-ssi.” The woman looks him in the eye. 

Hyungwon has to work hard not to look away, or to at least break eye contact. He opens his mouth to speak, to say  _ he  _ isn’t sure what he’s looking for, but she turns away before he can. 

“Okay. We’ll do a love reading.” 

That’s—well. 

Hyungwon wouldn’t have asked for it. But since she said it, he may as well let it carry on. 

“Okay.” 

He recognizes the tarot deck when she pulls it out and shuffles it. “Put your hands on all the cards,” she tells him, spreading the cards out on the table in one long line. 

Hyungwon obeys, running his fingers from card to card, readjusting them when he almost misses one that wasn’t fanned out enough. They’re clearly well used, but glossy, and the star pattern on the back is pretty. He really puts no stock in this, but he likes them. 

She sweeps the deck back together and has him choose three cards. They’re laid out, then turned over one by one. She makes a curious noise at each card. The last one comes out upside-down. Hyungwon, almost without meaning to, reaches out to right it. 

“No, leave it,” she says gently. “It matters that it came out upside-down. I will show you.” 

Hyungwon nods. “Okay. What does it mean?” 

She points to the first card. “This is the ace of wands. It, simply, means potential, passion, desire. It means something new.” The next. “The ten of pentacles. This is a culmination, but it’s more physical. Not something abstract.” 

This is about what Hyungwon had expected. Broad things, a lot of words that didn’t mean much or all kind of meant the same thing. But he’s surprised to find that he’s a little disappointed. He almost wanted something. He started wanting something when the woman chose a love reading for him. 

That’s embarrassing. 

He just nods. “Okay. And her?” 

He can read the last card upside down. The empress. 

She hums. “The empress represents venus and mother earth. This means she’s nurturing, natural. Fertile. She means a point in your life journey.” 

Hyungwon shifts in his seat. He wants to sit more comfortably, legs pulled up to himself, to curl in a little bit. He isn’t sure how he feels about that. 

“But for you, she came out upside-down. This doesn’t mean a clear reversal, necessarily. She means something is coming, in your journey, but it’s not being nurtured.” She touches each card lightly. “These cards, together, for your love journey. Someone is coming.” She pauses. “Or someone is already there.” 

Hyungwon shakes his head without meaning to. She acknowledges it with a raise of her eyebrows, but doesn’t say anything. 

“Someone you feel safe with, who knows your self in the way closest to the way you know it.” Her pointer and middle fingers touch the ten of pentacles. “Someone who receives you with generosity of spirit. You can be authentic with them. Not only that, but,” the ace of wands, “with them comes this authentic sense of sexuality. Physicality. Magnetic, I think, but not frightening.” 

Hyungwon lights up shamefully at that.  _ Authentic sense of sexuality.  _ He clears his throat. “That seems good.” 

She clicks her tongue against her teeth. “Yes. But your empress tells me this is something you have not done the work to open yourself up to.” 

“How can I open myself up to something that hasn’t happened?” It comes out before Hyungwon can check himself. Sometimes he is difficult on purpose but also on impulse, and this reading is making him feel a little petulant. That first part sounded so good. But now it’s his fault he won’t have it? 

“It is not that you  _ haven’t  _ done the work,” the woman says, emphatic, enunciating. “It’s that you have  _ not done the work.”  _

Hyungwon pushes down his growing frustration. It isn’t at her; it’s at himself. “Okay.” 

“This is not necessarily a reading of the future. It’s a reading of what’s impending, what’s potential. In you. Something will come, Hyungwon-ssi, or is here. Take some deeper looks.” 

Things get perfunctory very quickly. She sweeps the cards back into the deck, then brings down a small ceramic pot with a lid that nestles onto the top. 

“We’ll finish by casting.” She sets three strange dice in front of him. None of them are cubed, and he has no idea how many sides they have, but they’re pretty. “Choose one. It will represent you.” 

He chooses the one that looks most like candy. 

She puts it in the little pot, shakes it up, and hands it to him. “Scatter the objects on the table.” 

He does. It’s all sorts of small things. A tiny roll of red thread, a bottle cap with type in Japanese, a small English  _ K  _ that looks like it was once on a necklace. Other things Hyungwon can’t identify. 

The woman points to the die he chose. “Casting is interpreted by the proximity of objects. This is what you chose.” 

None of it means anything to Hyungwon. The closest thing to his not-candy self is a tiny metal spoon, maybe meant for a dollhouse. He picks it up. “Okay. What does the spoon mean?”

“How should I know? It’s your life.” And she immediately picks the things up to put back in the pot. 

Hyungwon gets the feeling she is tired of him. Or maybe his time is just up. “Okay. Thank you.” He holds the little spoon out, but she shakes her head. 

“Keep it,” she says, and repeats, “It’s your life.” 

“Okay,” Hyungwon says again. He moves to leave the room. 

“Send your friend in.” 

Jeonghan exits his reading with a, “That was fun.” Hyungwon follows him out of the little shop, and they go to a ramyeon place for dinner. 

It’s just the two of them tonight. Hyungwon likes it this way, but he wouldn’t say so even if he was made to. Jeonghan is just his complement. They both like to talk to people they’re comfortable with, and they both get restless and maybe a little whiny if the person doesn’t talk back. Together, they’re great at sympathizing and sharing indignation, but also at picking on each other in that language they both speak so well. 

The tiny spoon has been in Hyungwon’s shirt pocket since his reading finished. He realizes it’s funny, how the woman gave him a tiny spoon and made him leave with an  _ “it’s your life,”  _ so he is about to pull it out and tell Jeonghan the story when he looks up and the words leave his mouth. Leave his brain. 

Jeonghan is holding a spoon in his hand, close to his body, like an object of comfort. 

“Why are you holding that?” 

“I always hold spoons,” Jeonghan says. Like it’s neither strange nor news. “Or, utensils. I don’t know.” 

Hyungwon realizes that’s  _ true.  _ It isn’t news. He’s seen Jeonghan do it lots of times. Seen him with plastic spoons, or sometimes knives, clutched in his fist just because. He even remembers thinking it was cute before, remembers a tipsy Jeonghan on the couch in Joshua’s apartment giggling, holding a spoon with his hand curled into his chest. He thought—thinks—god, how endearing, because sometimes Jeonghan is so endearing it shocks him despite knowing him for years. 

“I guess you do,” is what Hyungwon says, and he does not take the tiny spoon out of his shirt pocket. 

“What was your reading like?” 

Hyungwon drops his hand from where it rests over his breast pocket. “I don’t totally know,” he says finally. “I think she might have been messing with me.” 

“Yeah,” says Jeonghan. “Me too.” 

Okay. Was the reading about Jeonghan? 

Was the reading even real?

Probably not. 

Hyungwon sets the tiny spoon on his bedside table, thinks twice, and opens the drawer to put it there. 

The reading was the same generic bullshit fortune telling always is. He even thought that  _ during it.  _

But, okay. He won’t jump ahead of himself, but that was before the woman interpreted the cards for him and said: what did she say? Safe, known, authentic sexuality? Those are words and feelings that stuck with him, nice ideas for him to believe. 

Not opened up to it, though. That sounds like him, doesn’t it? Hyungwon wants to be in love, but feelings are uncomfortable and gross, and even when he has them he’s good (or at least persistent) at acting like he doesn’t. 

He asks himself if he likes Jeonghan. The part of him he asked pretends like it didn’t hear. 

  
  
  


Hyungwon and Jeonghan hooked up. 

It wasn’t the first time they met. It was maybe the second or third, but it was the first time Hyungwon really let himself get pulled in by how pretty Jeonghan was, let himself feel the simmery, ticklish feeling of Jeonghan looking at him and smiling and getting pulled in by him, too. 

It was not a good hookup. Jeonghan was bossy and Hyungwon didn’t know what to do with being bossed around, and his urges said to touch and touch and touch but his brain told him not to let Jeonghan know how much he wanted him, so he didn’t. 

It was not a good hookup, and they didn’t do it again, and three years later Hyungwon is fucking in love. 

He hadn’t been the type to make friends with people he’d hooked up with before that. Jeonghan seemed to, sometimes, but really the way they wiggled into each other’s lives was by running into each other again. Ten was already friends with Jeonghan, because Ten  _ is  _ the type of person who makes friends with people he’s hooked up with, and he had them both pulled into conversation like it was nothing. Hyungwon thinks that’s part of what made it easier, that first time they really talked, for Jeonghan to end up with an arm thrown around Hyungwon’s neck, laughing with his whole body. 

That was that.

Jeonghan does have this magnetism. It’s why Hyungwon was never not going to be his friend and why their baby gays have all flocked to him. All these young queers working out their lives and genders and sexualities, wrapped in Jeonghan’s metaphorical (and sometimes literal) arms. 

Hyungwon never expected to find himself in such proximity to something like this. He might not like to acknowledge his feelings, but he can recognize when he’s been woven into something precious. 

He can’t stop thinking about the reading. 

If Hyungwon were a different sort of person, he might talk to someone about it. He actually considers it. He doesn’t know what he’d say. He doesn’t know who he’d say it to. Joshua? —no; he’d be nice enough about it, but he knows Jeonghan too well. He knows both of them too well, actually; he knows how they are together, and  _ that  _ feels too vulnerable. Kihyun isn’t even an option. He’d be insufferable. 

He can’t think of anyone to talk to who wouldn’t make him die of shame and embarrassment, so he very quickly gives up on the idea. Much better to have a small but lingering crisis. He’ll get really good at ignoring it.

**Now**

Hyungwon has not gotten any better at ignoring it. He’s known for one hundred twenty-three days that he has excruciatingly real feelings for Jeonghan. He never told anyone about the reading, or about being in love with Jeonghan, but Kihyun being Kihyun, he figured Hyungwon out. 

Kihyun knowing about Hyungwon having feelings for someone is not the nightmarish ordeal he would have imagined it to be. It’s actually kind of nice sometimes. Kihyun is a good friend. He’s always been a good friend. Is Hyungwon a bad person? 

“Quit pouting, you got to be the prince’s consort all night.” 

Hyungwon turns to see Kihyun gesturing at Jeonghan where he’s feeding Chan a bite of cake. Chan usually protests to being babied. He must be allowing this for Jeonghan’s birthday.

Nope. Hyungwon is not a bad person. He was absolutely right. 

He can’t think of the best salty response, so he just takes a bite of his own piece of cake. 

Kihyun laughs, incredulous. “He won’t even dignify it with a response,” he marvels. “Chae Hyungwon with a crush is so embarrassing.” 

“Don’t you have someone to be flirting with?”

Kihyun waves him off. “I’m already going home with Yoongi tonight. My work is done.” 

Hyungwon tries and fails not to be grumpy at that. It’s easier to get in an enjoyable back and forth with Kihyun when he’s embarrassingly pining too. Kihyun is arguably more embarrassing than Hyungwon in any given state. 

When Jeonghan calls Hyungwon over, he’s out of his seat too fast and gone too quickly to hear more than the echo of Kihyun laughing after him. 

Jeonghan rests his head on Hyungwon’s shoulder as they wait on the taxi they’re sharing with Joshua. “Get some food with me tomorrow,” he says. 

Hyungwon almost thinks he’s talking to Joshua, then realizes Joshua’s on the phone. Jeonghan pinches the soft skin of his upper arm. 

“Yah,” Hyungwon says halfheartedly. He reminds Jeonghan, “We’re doing noraebang tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, but that’s with everyone.”

It’s not with everyone. It’s with a handful of people, a fraction of tonight’s group, a smaller celebration Jeonghan had asked for before the others planned tonight. Hyungwon hears what he’s asking, though. 

“Okay. I’ll even pay.” 

“Of course you will. You’re my hyung.” 

“I’ll pay for a birthday meal,” Hyungwon says emphatically. “After that, you’re on your own.” 

Joshua comes back from his phone call. Jeonghan takes his hand. “Shua was so good to me today. He loves me so much, it’s embarrassing.”

Hyungwon looks at Joshua automatically, to see how he’s responded to the teasing. He’s not prepared for the knowing, teasing smile Joshua’s directing at  _ him.  _ His mouth drops open as if to defend himself from something; it just makes Joshua laugh. 

The taxi arrives. 

Hyungwon gives Joshua one last little glare before he gets out outside his apartment. Joshua just grins. 

  
  


“Did you see Wonwoo last night? Those  _ legs.”  _

Hyungwon did see Wonwoo. His legs did look good. 

“Yeah.” 

“I’m gonna tell him to wear those pants again tonight.” 

“Good idea.” 

This is what they’ve always done: talk about boys. And it’s not the first time Jeonghan has had something to say about Wonwoo in particular—not that Hyungwon can blame him. It doesn’t even really bother Hyungwon, but he does always worry Jeonghan is going to notice he doesn’t talk about any boys these days. 

Jeonghan throws a balled-up napkin that hits Hyungwon in the face. “Did you drink too much last night?” 

Hyungwon shrugs. “I don’t think so.” 

Jeonghan doesn’t push. “You’ll do a song with me, right?” 

Hyungwon does a song with him that night. They collapse after, thighs pressed together, and Jeonghan says, “I wish you were drunk. That was way too good.” 

Joshua rolls his eyes at both of them and drags Kihyun in to sing with him. 

The evening at the noraebang is fun for Hyungwon. He had a good time last night, but he has an even better time tonight, sinking into the silly delight all of them have with each other. 

Hyungwon drove them both. He offered before they went out for their meal together, and Jeonghan agreed after a  _ You don’t want to drink??  _ and  _ Yes please.  _ But Jeonghan hasn’t had much to drink tonight either, maybe a break after the evening before. 

They wrap up late, but Hyungwon still isn’t as tired as he was when he went home yesterday. He feels good. It feels good when Joshua makes everyone put their arms around each other and sway and sing. Jeonghan is laughing and putting on a little show that makes Hyungwon laugh too, in this happy, unrestrained way. 

Goodbyes are shouted and sung. Soonyoung gives a speech. Jeonghan gets in the passenger seat of Hyungwon’s car, turns to him, and says, “I left my phone charger at your apartment.” 

He actually did leave his phone charger at Hyungwon’s apartment. So Hyungwon takes them there instead of straight to Jeonghan’s. In the doorway he starts to say, “I’ll get it for you,” but Jeonghan is already taking his shoes off and slipping into the living room. 

“I’m thirsty,” he says then. He’s already getting himself water. He turns around and leans against the kitchen counter. “Let me sleep here tonight.” 

Hyungwon isn’t sure if he’s joking, but he doesn’t think  _ he’s  _ joking when he says, “Okay.” 

Jeonghan laughs. “Will you feed me a snack, hyung?” 

Hyungwon has instant ramyeon. He makes some for them to share. It’s spicy, and both of their mouths are red. He washes up after, while Jeonghan disappears into his bedroom. 

He comes back wearing one of Hyungwon’s hoodies and his most comfortable pair of shorts. He has the hoodie sleeves rolled up, but they’re still long enough for him to pull over his hands. Hyungwon doesn’t mean to watch him approach. He doesn’t mean to stare, but then Jeonghan stops right in front of him and Hyungwon jerks back to the pot he was drying. 

“What?” Jeonghan laughs. 

Hyungwon puts the pot away. “What?” he repeats. His ears feel hot. He turns back. He’ll ask if there’s anything Jeonghan needs and pretend he wasn’t just openly staring at him. 

But Jeonghan says, “No, what was that?” 

“What was—” Hyungwon bites his upper lip in a very not sexy way. His heart does something weird that he should maybe be worried about. Jeonghan is really close. But Jeonghan is  _ always  _ really close. There’s nothing new about that. He looks away. 

“Hyung.” Jeonghan puts a hand on his arm. 

This time when Hyungwon turns his head, Jeonghan is even closer. They could kiss without having to move much at all. He pulls back. 

“Oh my god, seriously,” Jeonghan says. He puts his hands on Hyungwon’s hips, and  _ that’s  _ new. Hyungwon can feel his thumbs on the jut of his hip bones. 

“What is—what about—why are you grabbing me?” 

Jeonghan’s grip tightens. His thumbs dig into the soft skin right above the bones he was holding to. 

Does he know? Hyungwon is struck with the feeling that he knows. This weird thing happens in his head that feels like air is swooshing around in there. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears. 

“Jeonghan-ah,” he says. He holds a hand over his face, hiding his eyes. 

“Yeah, hyung?” There’s laughter in Jeonghan’s voice. It doesn’t sound mean at all, but Hyungwon feels like his fight or flight response is kicking in. He’s not prey, he tells himself. 

Then again, maybe he is. 

“I like you. A lot.” 

Is that fight? 

It definitely wasn’t flight. 

He moves his hand away from his eyes. His vision is blurry from rubbing at them with his contacts in. He does a funny blink in an attempt to right them. 

“You like me?” Jeonghan might be even closer now, if that’s possible. 

Hyungwon lets out a sound he thought would be a growl but comes out more like a wail. It’s very undignified. “Fuck.” 

Jeonghan laughs again. Still not mean. Hyungwon has a hand on his arm, he realizes, gripping Jeonghan’s upper arm under the too-big hoodie. 

He brings his hand to the back of Hyungwon’s head. He slides his fingers into Hyungwon’s hair. He pulls him down fractionally and kisses him. 

When he pulls back, he grins at Hyungwon. Then he goes in to kiss him again. 

“Wait.” It comes out a squawk. 

“Hmm?” Jeonghan looks up at him. 

“No, what is this? You just made me tell you I like you. What?” Hyungwon is burning up. On the inside for sure, and probably on the outside too. “Do you—?” He can’t bring himself to finish the question. On fire. He’s on fire. 

That makes Jeonghan go pained and shrunken in. “We hooked up like, the first time we met,” he says, as if that’s any kind of explanation. 

“So? You’ve hooked up with lots of our friends!” 

Jeonghan makes an exaggerated noise of offense. “Not lots! Like, three!” 

“More than just me!” Hyungwon presses a palm to his face to try and mitigate the emotional pain and stress he is under. 

“Okay, well, you never showed any interest in doing anything again!” 

“Neither did you!” 

They still haven’t let each other go. Hyungwon is filled with mortification, even though distantly he realizes what they’ve established here is probably good. 

Jeonghan is looking at him like he’s trying to read something. His face flashes with a hint of something strained with embarrassment. “I like you,” he says. “I like you a lot too.” 

“Oh, god.” Hyungwon cringes into himself. “What the fuck.” 

“I’ve  _ always  _ been a little interested in you.” 

Hyungwon makes a pained noise in his throat. 

“Fuck off, I’m trying here,” Jeonghan complains. “What do you want from me?” 

Hyungwon kisses him again. He moves the hand on Jeonghan’s arm to his shoulder and feels it drop an immediate two inches from the tension he was holding. 

This works so much better than talking. Jeonghan’s body bows in, pressing to him. He holds Hyungwon by the hair again, and that’s something he had no idea he’d like. 

He’s thought about the first time they did this so many times in the last few months. An embarrassing amount, for something he didn’t even think was a good hookup. But  _ fuck,  _ it didn’t need to be a good hookup, did it? Not when it was Jeonghan. 

Jeonghan feels so much smaller than Hyungwon expects anytime he gets his arms around him, and especially now in this big hoodie. Hyungwon gets it bunched up around Jeonghan’s waist without realizing it, and then his hands are on Jeonghan’s skin, while Jeonghan bites at his lip and curls his fingers into Hyungwon’s hair. 

“We can talk more later,” Jeonghan says into his mouth, his other hand on Hyungwon’s back, so low it’s almost on his ass. 

“That sounds awful.” 

“A nightmare.” 

With that agreed, they hurry to Hyungwon’s bedroom, where Jeonghan watches from a lounged position on the unmade bed while Hyungwon shimmies out of his tight pants. 

“Don’t tell Wonwoo,” Jeonghan says, “but you have the dreamiest legs of anyone I know.” 

Hyungwon’s face is on fire. “Shut up.” 

Not a minute later, Jeonghan has one of Hyungwon’s legs hitched over his hip as he leans over him, mouth on his mouth. 

Jeonghan is still bossy. This time, though—maybe from years of knowing him and figuring out how they fit together—Hyungwon isn’t thrown off by it. Jeonghan sits up, knees on either side of Hyungwon’s hips, and says, “I’m hot.” 

Hyungwon blinks up at him. He’s trying to decide through the haze in his mind if he should agree with that or not when he realizes what Jeonghan is saying. He nods, mouth open as he watches Jeonghan pull his hoodie off. 

Jeonghan makes him whine into his mouth, makes him come into his hand with his mouth pressed to Hyungwon’s neck, teeth worrying at the skin by his jawline. He’s still shuddering when Jeonghan takes one of his hands and wraps it around himself along with his own, murmuring brokenly about how big it is. The breath he lets out against Hyungwon’s neck when he comes almost gets Hyungwon going again. 

“Fuck,” Hyungwon says. “Fuck.” 

Jeonghan, collapsed on top of him, rolls them both onto their sides with some effort. He pulls Hyungwon’s leg over his hip again and holds his thigh as he kisses him. Hyungwon’s changed his mind. He likes the bossy thing. 

He’s close to falling asleep like this when Jeonghan pulls back, rolls over and gets out of bed. 

“Hey, what?” Hyungwon grumbles. 

“Shh.” Jeonghan goes to the bathroom and comes back dressed again. “Get up,” he says. “Get up, come on, I wanna play a game or something.” 

Hyungwon sits up. “A game?” 

Jeonghan leaves the bedroom. Hyungwon gets up and changes into sleep shorts and a t-shirt so he can follow him. Jeonghan is looking for something to play when he comes out. 

“Hey. Jeonghan-ah. What... are you okay?” 

Jeonghan looks up. Hyungwon wants to hide his expression so Jeonghan doesn’t see his worry, but he makes himself drop his hand from rubbing at his shoulder. 

Jeonghan’s expression goes almost imperceptibly softer. “I’m kind of wired,” he says. He clears his throat. “I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to be able to, like. See you and talk to you.” 

He pulls his knees to his chest. He’s fighting embarrassment. Hyungwon is almost embarrassed, too. 

Hyungwon sits on the couch, and Jeonghan comes up next to him. “What do you want to do?” 

They open a bottle of wine and put on a drama. Jeonghan chooses one he’s seen before and talks to Hyungwon the whole time. Hyungwon likes it so much he can feel it in his throat. It doesn’t feel new, it just feels like them, and he realizes that was what he wants from Jeonghan. 

“You’re staring at me.” Jeonghan is curled up against the arm of the couch. 

Hyungwon narrows his eyes dramatically. “And?” 

Jeonghan grins. Maybe talking about how much he likes Jeonghan will get easier. Or maybe it won’t, and Hyungwon will have to go through that same ticklish internal suffering every time he has to do it. That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 

Jeonghan falls asleep on the couch. Hyungwon has to drag him off of it to wake him up, and when Jeonghan complains at him, whines that he’s too warm and steals one of Hyungwon’s t-shirts, he thinks this is probably perfect. 

**Author's Note:**

> please affirm me <3
> 
> kpop idol friends mentioned by name (other than svt and mx members) include txt yeonjun, bts jungkook, loona hyunjin, stray kids hyunjin, nct/wayv ten, bts yoongi!


End file.
